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| For the few of you that read this and that truly care for what's going on in my life, I am sorry for the lack of updates. I have been living on no Internet for over a month now, so I haven't really been able to take time to write anything for you all to read. I am actually typing this on my phone right now, so this will be short.
There isn't really anything new that you all don't already know. Things are slowly getting better for me, yet I'm still struggling with certain things. Work is work, not much to say there. Anyways, as soon as I can sit down with my computer and an Internet connection, I promise to give a more detailed update.
God bless and take care! | | |
| Nope, today was the best that I have felt in a very long time. I finally found a job. I start tomorrow. I'll be contracted out for the first couple weeks and will then be hired full time. I'll be a technician for a local company called D&H Electronics. This was the job that I turned down three weeks before I got laid off from my last job.
I hated my last job, so I handed D&H my resume and they gave me an offer a week later. They offered me a much less pay than my current job at the time, so being an idiot I turned down happiness for better pay. 3 weeks later I was unemployed. I went back to D&H to accept that offer they gave me, but it was already filled. Five months later, after countless phone calls, I was given the same offer. I took it this time.
This road called life seems to have taken a turn uphill.
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| Today was different. I felt at peace with things, and it's been months since I can last say that I felt that. I think a little happiness crawled into my day today and I don't really know why. I mean, things haven't really changed. I'm still unemployed, and I'm still not over her and still don't know what to do because I don't want to miss the chance, if there ever is one, for a second chance with her. It should have been a normal, somewhat grieving day, like always. I saw her at church tonight, and I admit I felt uneasy seeing her, but I was able to carry on. I didn't go hide in some corner or leave, I just carried on with what I was doing. That's not my normal self during these situations in the last several months. I don't know, maybe this sense of peace is just a mask, temporally hiding my true feelings, and will be gone tomorrow when I wake up. It's happened before, but usually that mask would only last an hour or so, not a full day. I still miss her, but maybe I'm just finally coming to terms with that and accepting it like I have with other friends, family, whoever, that I have lost in my life time. I really don't know, but I can say this with truth, this has been the best that I have felt in a very long time.
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| A question was brought up on Wednesday during a new class at church called "The Soul Purpose." The question was simple:
"If you could ask God one question - knowing you would receive a clear and understandable answer - what would you ask?"
Many questions raced through my head when that was asked, mostly questions that dealt with understanding my current hardships and pains. Why didn't things work out? What is the purpose of these wounds my heart has been inflicted with? Where is all this leading? When is this road called life going to stop going downhill and start going up? And many more along those lines.
Those are the only questions that I could think of at the time because it was what I was dealing with at that very moment. But later on I realized how selfish those questions were. Those were questions that would only help me and my current situations. The answers to those questions wouldn't help anyone else and they wouldn't give me an answer that I could use over the course of my life, it would only help for that moment.
What question would be worthy to ask God? I'm stumped, drawing a blank. I would be afraid to ask the wrong question.
What's great is that we don't have to have just one question to ask, we can ask however many we want. It's called prayer. Though it might take longer than hoped and his answers may not be as clear as we would like, he will respond in some way or form.
Our father, give us the faith to believe that it is possible to live victoriously even in the midst of dangerous opportunity that we call crisis.
Help us to see that there is something better than patient endurance or keeping a stiff upper lip, and that whistling in the dark is not really bravery.
Bless us with the greatness of humility that we may feel no shame in expressing our need of a living God.
Forgive the pride that causes us to strut about like knights in shining armor when we know full well we are but beggars in tattered rags.
Plant a seed of faith in us today and nurture it that it may grow. Then, trusting in thee may we have the faith that goes singing in the rain, knowing that all things work together for good to them that love thee.
~Carlo Carretto
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